i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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