Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
