I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
