I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
