I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
