there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
