I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
only you would photoshop your dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
