he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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