I think I died a long time ago.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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