my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
