This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
