Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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