I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
