So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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