There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
