It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
