The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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