I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
