I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
