So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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