and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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