I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
