then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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