Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
