I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
