Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
