The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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