The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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