I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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