Your mouth is God's brothel.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
smell my finger.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
