If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
