Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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