We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
