Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
