I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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