Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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