So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
