No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
