i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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