Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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