Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize