a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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