Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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