somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
