I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Green mimosas i think yes
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
