every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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