I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
