then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
