6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
