goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
