well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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