wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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