Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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