I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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