you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
