hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
