Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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