You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize