Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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