booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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