I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
