My nipple is on Facebook.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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