grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
