ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
