I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
