Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
