you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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