all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
