the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
