from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
