So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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