Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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