I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
