Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
