Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
