i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
