He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a search helicopter?!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
