I'm lost and stupid without you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These tits shall not be calmed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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