I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
