he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize