so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
