god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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