would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
