i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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