I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
