He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
