I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
