I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
