he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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