well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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