oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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