did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
