Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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