all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
