Don't make out with my wife yet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
