we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
