3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize