matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
