i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
