Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
