She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
