Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
