Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
