I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
