so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize