Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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