oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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