Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize