if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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