i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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