her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
