I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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