She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
