omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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