My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
